The Office Hobo ™

So you’ve decided that you want to try it out. You’ve passed the test with flying colors. You are tired of paying rent and intrigued by the home-free lifestyle. You want to break free from the binds of social obligation.

You want to live in your office.

Obviously, I sympathize.

For those of you who fit this unusual but kind-of-awesome profile, I offer my top ten preparation pointers.* Before you make the jump, read the following and take a long, hard look at what you are up against. These tips are for the curious pre-Hobo (or Hobette) with aspirations to live secretly and ethically in the comfort of his (or her) own office. I assume you don’t have a blessing from your boss; however, more power to you if you do!

With a little guidance, you might become the next Office Hobo. Or at least avoid becoming the freshest face on the unemployment lines…

*This list is purely theoretical. In no way do I endorse any decision that infringes upon the rights of others, nor do I condone any action undertaken without the sincerest consideration for the safety and respect of any person or entity. The home-free lifestyle is a path to financial freedom and independence, but that should not be achieved at the expense of others. Love thy neighbor, dude.

Top 10 Tips for the Budding Office Hobo (or Hobette!)

1. Make sure staying overnight in your office is even conceivable.
Not every work environment is conducive to overnighters. Before you make the commitment to moving in, you’ll need to ensure your stay is even possible in the first place. Below is a list of Pros and Cons to guide you as you assess your own potential home-free experiment.

Pro:

• Your coworkers and superiors work normal hours.
• You play a vital role in the company and are not easily replaced.
• You have a private workstation, such as a cubicle or, preferably, a personal office.
• If you drive to work, there is an available and free overnight parking, preferably without an on-duty attendant.
• Your workplace boasts multiple spots to sleep, as tucked away from view as possible.
• Your coworkers are good people, but they aren’t your friends.
• Your building is located in a low-traffic (but not no-traffic!) area/premises.
• Your office has multiple entrances/exits, all of which are easily monitored from your potential sleeping area.
• Your company has an off-site landlord and/or boss, preferably one(s) who make(s) predictable visits.
• The company has a strictly scheduled cleaning crew.

Con:

• Your local laws and customs are either resistant to new ideas or downright hostile to the home-free philosophies.
• An overnight security staff person mans your front lobby.
• Your building has security cameras anywhere.
• Your office or building has employees who work late shifts.
• You have an overzealous boss who manages with a cut-throat philosophy.
• You have one or more contentious relationships with your fellow employees.
• You live in a rough climate (if climate control fails or you get kicked on the street, you don’t want to be stuck roughing it in harsh weather…)
• Neighboring businesses have either loud or curious, snooping workers

You don’t need to check off all of the “Pros” in order to have a successful office stay—I sure don’t—but the more you have, the more likely you are to enjoy your stay. It is the “Cons” section that presents the harshest realities. If you checked-off one or more of those sections, you might want to think twice about pulling the trigger. Remember, the moment you inconvenience your coworkers or neighbors is the moment your experiment ends.

2. Test out living flexibly by on a vacation.
I suggest sleeping in your car for a few days during your next few days off. Take a road trip to the wilderness or a nearby national park and live out of your trunk. Experience inconvenience without the pressure of routine. You might find yourself enjoying the freedom of simplicity. Or you might disdain the lack of comfort and facilities.

For those who enjoy the outdoors, camping is an ideal pre-test for those looking to create a template for living simply. I don’t mean “car camping”, where you load up 300 pounds of meat and beer in a cooler, pull up your lawn chair to the campfire and roast s’mores. While amazing in its own right, this defies the intended ideal by virtue of its relative access to luxury. Instead, try an overnight backpack. Carry what you need on your back. This can provide excellent perspective on what is really necessary to get by.

This is an overly simplistic suggestion, but the general idea is this: Testing lifestyle adversity in a controlled environment first can clue you in to ways to maximize your happiness when you start the real thing.

3. Study your coworkers’ habits before move-in.
Your coworkers seem normal when you’re not paying attention, but trust me, they’re not. They have strange mannerisms and secret desires, just like you. And if you pay close enough attention to them, you can start to predict their “isms” with striking regularity.

For example, you might notice the tendency of a coworker to dress in revealing attire on Tuesdays. She may linger at the office longer, become attentive to frequent texts a little more often, and arrive a little more haggard on Wednesday mornings. Is she having an affair? You can’t be sure. But you know that she’s going to keep you from sticking around late on Tuesdays.

4. Spend time in the office at odd hours before you commit.
You need to know the lay of the land before you move in. Test the lifestyle. Feel out the comfort levels. Assess potential predators. You get the picture…

Like #2, this is a simple test of what you’re up against. Hanging around after hours and arriving early gives you an idea what the place is like when the business isn’t operating. Perhaps deliveries come late, maybe a cleaning crew comes by to empty the trash. Or maybe you’ll discover a coworker sleeping beneath his desk…

5. Talk with your close friends about your plan.
Your energy is shared with those around you. Spend some time discussing your plan with confidants, people who you can trust. Not only will these be the people who you’ll be counting on for support during your more difficult days, but they will also present ideas you may not have considered.

This will also allow you to gauge the reactions of others. If you are considering a home-free lifestyle, the people who you remain close with are likely sympathetic supporters. But you might be surprised. Not everyone thinks selective homelessness is cool. Rejection is difficult enough as it is; when it comes from someone close with you, it can really put a damper on your enthusiasm. No one has the right to infringe upon your beliefs, but not everyone handles negativity the same way.

Oh, and run the idea by your family. They’ll find out eventually, so it will take a huge load off to gauge their reactions from the get-go.

6. Research area gyms, storage facilities, and post offices.
Make sure you’ve got local options for your routine spots. Having a safe spot to shower, to store your stuff, and to collect your mail is key to living home-free. Unless you have special help from your friends and family, know where you can go to meet your basic needs.

24-hour fitness centers are ideal. You can shower as you please, beating the rush of peak workout times. Plus, regular exercise is great for your physical and mental health! You’ll need it when the rigors of transition plague your first weeks. The gym is an ideal tool to beat the obstacles. Storage facilities do the trick, too. Store your stuff while you work out just how temporary your decision is. Plus, having a storage facility to visit gives you another refuge in the event of an evening meeting at the office. Storage parking lots are low-traffic and lightly monitored. Just get out before they’re closed. These guys are used to folks trying to stick around overnight.

7. Have a contingency plan.
What happens if you’re home-free plan doesn’t pan out? Maybe you get caught or break your leg playing hockey. Regardless of the circumstances, not having a contingency plan in the event of a forced move-out spells nothing but trouble.

My suggestion is to start your situation before you’re desperate for money. Having emergency funds available means you can rent a place if you have to. In a big city, short-term rentals are widely available. Check out the Los Angeles Craigslist site, for example, and find countless options for sublease lodging available immediately. While I don’t condone taking advantage of friends’ kindness, having a living room to sleep in for a few days in the event of an emergency offers unparalleled piece of mind. Finally, if you live in a place that is not hostile to sleeping in your vehicle, start to think about how that might work in your favor in the event of unplanned transition.

8. Prepare to not sleep well for a while.
This is not a luxurious lifestyle choice. You will be without obvious extravagances like a cozy queen mattress or the freedom of choice to sleep-in. You will be at the whim of the office climate control and the schedule of those who might drop in after hours. You will be restricted by the boundaries of your workspace.

All of this will make you more observant. Despite your mood, you may feel motivated to appear alert in order to conceal the reality of your situation. Perhaps you will notice things that you once overlooked. The midnight rounds of an evening parking garage security guard or the appearance of before-unseen neighbors at odd hours. Your attentiveness may increase your job performance. But, at least for a while, this will come at a price. You will be tired. The stress of your situation will take a toll on your every day faculties. You may forget birthdays you would usually remember or miss emails you swore responded to.

This is an adjustment period. How long this will last depends on your personality. Some people are surprisingly adaptive, while others long for the structure of old routines. It is much like a move to a new home in that way. Different environment, different adjustments. It is equally as possible to persevere with resolve as it is to surrender with pragmatism. This lifestyle is not for everyone.

9. Prepare to not be prepared for stuff.
A ceiling leaks in the middle of the night on a Sunday. The gym shower closes unexpectedly for maintenance. The power goes out at 6:15pm on a Friday afternoon. These things are not predictable. But they all require immediate and decisive action.

You have very little control over your routine. This constitutes your rent…

You will forget stuff. You’ll forget your combination lock at the gym. You’ll forget your soap in the shower. You’ll forget to clean up the sink after you shave, leaving thousands of hairs peppered along the sink and floor of the bathroom. All of this will happen. But if you are mentally prepared to deal with a little scheduling adversity, then you will be more likely to take those instances in stride. You’re in for the lifestyle ride of a lifetime. So loosen up!

10. Start a diary.
And post it online. I want to read every last detail…

. . .

Good luck! And if you have any questions, don’t be shy–drop me a line!

– TOH